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She woke up feeling off. It was that feeling that happens right before you get sick. When you aren’t actually sick, but the “you literally worry yourself sick” feeling.
The felling swept over her like a semi truck passing on the highway.
She waited it out for a couple more days. She impatiently waited for the cold to start or for the fever to reveal itself. But it never came, there was just the feeling of being off.
Her clothes didn’t feel right on her, her hair felt different, food tasted off. Something was wrong, just wrong.
There were no symptoms, just an awesome worry of what might happen.
After a couple of weeks she finally dragged herself to the doctor. She would be poked and prodded only to be told it was all in her head. It was all just worrying.
Yes it was her worrying that was making her stay up all night. It gave her headaches and making things not work the way they were supposed to. It was making her hair fall out and making her sick to her stomach
After all of the test, all the sticking, all the blood, all the other liquids, she waited. She waited for the doctor to come back with his clipboard in front of him almost as if it were a shield.
He looked at his paper and looked at her. Something was there, a growth.
She panicked. She led such a healthy life and did everything right. She was always careful. A growth? Why her and why now?
The good news was she came in when she did. It was still the early stages and it could be treated. And she had many treatment options.
She, knowing the risk, chose chemical therapy. She allowed the man made foreign object into her system.
After her first treatment she went home wondering what the future held. A little while later she took her second treatment.
Having to yet feel the full effects of the treatments, she felt it would be a breeze.
Later that night, her body was calm. Calmer than it had been in a long time and it scared her. All of a sudden the calm didn’t last. She suddenly grew warm. Then from warm to hot, too hot, it was as if her body was on fire and burning from the inside out. She felt like death.
Sitting in her bathroom she knew this was it. This was the end. They try to warn you, but how can you put this feeling in words?
Suddenly I was as if her body was rejecting itself. Gritting her teeth she gave the last push. It was over.
She didn’t need a baby anyway.